Category: Philosophy


This story is a work of original fiction combining several personal real experiences. Please do not copy this work without express permission. Thank you.


A group of students were preparing for an oral examination on Ethics. The students were told that a guest lecturer would give the exam. The exam would be an open group experience. Finally, there were told, that no one should expect to pass the examination. The students were none-the-less alarmed and discussed this while waiting for the lecturer. It was the typical group of students… The popular one, the loud one, and of course… the quiet one who almost never spoke.

The lecturer arrived; a very aged man who was dressed darkly yet professionally. He moved with a grim determination and each step landed with the sound of a muted thunderclap. He exuded an aura of wisdom that conjured immediate respect. He removed his overcoat and folded it into thirds with a swift and practiced motion and then placed it onto the table that the class was gathered at. He turned to the oaken double doors to the lecture room and closed and then latched the giant doors. With the exception of one small window that let in nearly no light during the night class; the only light in the room was a small hanging light over the table.

He sat quietly at the circular table with the handful of advanced students and peered at each one. One could imagine that if they were to have used a stopwatch, the lecturer spent the exact same amount of time fixing his gaze on each student. Each student pondered during the gaze if they were being stared at or if they were being stared into.

From the moment he entered the room… no one had uttered a sound. Even the loud one was paralysed in the moment. He sat there for an eternity that no one measured. If felt like the room itself had detached from the universe while everyone inside was still very much in the moment. Finally, the old man broke the silence.

“You are in a bank. The day is unimpressively like any other. A man such as myself walks up to you. He aims a previously concealed revolver at you and says, ‘Don’t speak. Don’t move. Your time may be at hand.’

The loud one and the comedienne in the group began to scoff and chuckle. This was immediately curtailed when life imitated art. “You fail to understand the nature of this test.” He aimed a previously concealed revolver and said, “Your time is at hand.” The group of students no long found humour at his story and let him continue.

“In a loud voice in the middle of the bank with his gun still *pointed* at you, he pronounces, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we have control of this bank. The lines have been cut and the alarms have been silenced. We’re not here for your money or your valuables. Though, the one valuable thing we will take tonight is a soul, which each and every one of you should consider more valuable than any other possession you have. It is in your best interests not to panic and to follow every thing I tell you.

One man felt valor was the better form of digression and headed for the door. The shower of gunfire from all directions verified that the man was accurate in his warning that they controlled the bank. He looks at you and continues, ‘Now that you understand your situation you will follow my directions to the letter without question.’ You acquiesce to follow his directions.

He has you gather everyone in the bank into a group. The group is a perfect representation of your world. There are business people, college students, haggard parents running errands before their children return home from school, there is even a nun and a young child. This latter fact made the stoic man with the gun nearly smile. ‘Are you ready for the most important moment of your life?’

He directs you to bring the nun and the child forward. The nun is assuredly quite aged and has easily been on this path longer than you have been alive if not some multiple of times. She is concerned at the situation but seems to be somewhat at peace. In ironic contrast, the child looks to be about seven or eight. The child shines of innocence and is completely unaware of the situation but has a thirst of interest about the adventure unfolding around him.

‘You will now take this gun and kill one of these two people dead. If you turn the gun on me, it will not fire. However if you do so, my men will kill everyone here except you. The gun will not fire if you turn it on yourself. If you do, the same penance will result. You have 15 minutes to decide. At the end of 15 minutes if you haven’t made a decision, the same fate will befall you.’

‘But… why me?’ you ask in the hope of some clarity. ‘Sometimes there are no answers. This is one of those times where the only one with an answer is you for your situation.'”

He sat stoically and quietly for a moment. One of the students audibly sniffed as if to hold back a tear. He once again eyed each student as he had before. “Perhaps I wasn’t clear. You have 15 minutes… how do YOU decide?” The students shared a collective gasp of confusion and horror.”

After about a minute, the Lecturer’s tone and mood changed drastically. “So, let me tell you how I answered this when I was in school. By the way, I added the gun a few years ago for effect. I find it really helps set the mood.” He crooked a wicked smile that was at once relieving and nearly creepy for a man who’d previously shown no emotions at all. Most of the tension in the class seemed to release. Several students exhaled. The loud one laughed a boisterous, self-reassuring laugh that wasn’t completely believable. In the corner the quiet one still looked frozen in the moment of the exam.

“When I was asked this, the setting was much less informal. We were having a discussion group at the Priest’s house and simply chatting about ethics. The room wasn’t nearly as effective to set the situation so we didn’t take it quite as seriously. When it came to me, I blurted out, ‘Well, obviously the nun.’ My priest raised an eyebrow and asked why. I commented that she’d lived a long life, has made her peace with God and between them she’d be blessed and part of God’s will.”

The class nodded. Most of the class nodded, that is, with the exception of the quiet one in the corner who still hadn’t relaxed. One-by-one the lecturer asked the students what they thought and quickly each acquiesced that the Nun was the correct decision. There was no doubt in their minds. Finally, the lecturer turned on the quiet one and said, “You’ve been very quiet throughout all of this.” “Nothing new about that,” the comedienne joked. Her boyfriend gave her an annoyed nudge. The lecturer continued, “Nun or child?”

With a strange mix of anger, impatience, and annoyance the quiet one responded, “You said 15 minutes. I have at least a good 10 minutes left to answer.” One of the students was about to gesture that it wasn’t real but the lecturer stopped him and said, “No, you’re absolutely right. We need to give this student the time to decide.” The remainder of the class sat surprised. Over the next few minutes, the tension in the other students began to relax and quiet discussions broke out. The quiet student continued to sit in very deep contemplation.

After 15 minutes the lecturer put back on his stoic nature of the storyteller and eyed the student bringing him back into the story, “Time’s up. What is your decision?” “The child” The class gasped. The answer was not merely obvious, but given by the lecturer. They started to angrily argue among themselves and cast derision on their fellow student. “Now, now. All of you… don’t get upset until you hear his full answer.” He turned to the lone dissenter and in a calm, almost loving voice asked, “Why? Why did you make that decision?”

The student took a long breath and started.

“From my point of view, the nun has in fact made her peace with God and in the general view of religion would sit in Heaven regardless. The child however does not understand the world beyond the innocence of youth. And I am not able to be the one to not merely destroy that child’s innocence but then live with the knowledge that this child’s entire future will be based on the lack of understanding of what has happened. Which penance would you rather be faced with? Looking to a Woman of God for counsel for the destruction of a child or looking to a child to try to explain why people might be murdered for no reason in front of them?”

“You can’t simply kill a child,” screamed one of the students who was also a parent that had put their own child into the image in their head. “No, he’s right,” shouted another, “You can’t kill a nun! My Great Aunt is a nun and the sweetest and most loving and most understand person I’ve ever met!” tears streamed down that student’s eyes. “You said the Nun, yourself!” another added angrily. “You should kill that one!” shouted another.

“STOP IT! I can’t simply kill anyone! Any life in any situation must never be simply extinguished lightly. Listen to all of you argue now! No one life is more valuable than another. But if I am forced to take a life… to kill… one otherwise be responsible for another death… That much I have to take on myself. I will spend the rest of my life hoping… No! Praying that I never have to make a decision like this. But I will tell you one thing… In that situation I will pray to my God every day hoping that he has guided me in my decision and will forgive me for the situation that karma, the universe, the devil or even God itself has put me in. Lastly, I pray that I will never have the ignorance to make a decision like this which flies in the face of every obvious teaching of God for someone else.”

Most of the class was angry. Again the lecturer held a hand up to silence the class. “I have given this exam to students of many religions for many years… many decades. Maybe one in 1000 even comes close to the right answer. For once I’ve heard the absolute right answer.” “So, it was the child?” asked one of the students. “Oh, certainly not.” the class was puzzled, confused, angry and in general overwrought with emotion. “No, there was no right answer.”

“But, the point to the exam… isn’t finding the right answer. It’s finding the right reason.” Everyone’s eyes were fixed on the lecturer who was looking intently down at the table. “How can anyone choose a murder they are forced to commit? Save one person, save a thousand people. Save one you love, save one you don’t know. But have to break the rules to do something noble, ignoble. To live with the repercussions of something you have no control over but breaks the holiest of laws you have. Religion… ethics… it’s a matter of being at peace with your relation with your highest view of the divine and it’s expectations of you. Ethics isn’t rote, it’s understanding the teachings and doing the best as a person as you can with what you have.”

The students began to look apologetically towards the one dissenting voice in the room. However, when they looked… there was no one there. Everyone but the lecturer was very confused. He stood up and with that he said, “Class dismissed.” He turned slowly to the large double doors, unlocked them, and opened them both to let the unnatural light of the institution wash back in and welcome them back to the world they lived in.


Part 2 will be published in the near future which will be my commentary on the story and my motivations for writing it and posting it.

To be honest, we are going to be moving soon; however, we seem to have had the holiday tree up and down in a very organised fashion this year. Well, organised discounting the decoration boxes around. We got the tree around the 15th or so and brought it and most of the lights down on the 2nd.

Outside the back of our house is Riverview Park. It’s also a fairly steep drop into the park. Since we remove all the decorations from a natural tree; we always cast the tree into the woods down the hill from our house. It’s a nice “Return to nature”/”Circle of Life” gesture.

So, we removed the decorations. I had my son put the dropped branches and needles into a bag. We carried the tree to the back of the house and I tossed it down the hill. Before I tossed it, we pointed out where last year’s tree was. We could see that parts of it were still there and parts had begun to wear down and return to the Earth.

Amusingly, when I threw this year’s tree it bounced and landed right on top of the previous year’s tree like a long forgotten lover. My son asked why we didn’t just throw it out. I told him that the tree came from the ground and by giving it back to the ground new trees would come. And tried to explain the “Circle of Life” concept.

He took the remaining branches out of the back and threw them down the hill into the woods. I told him he could yell, “Back to Earth” as he threw them. This made him very happy. I told him by giving to the Earth it would be our way of saying Winter will give way to Spring and the days will get longer and soon we will see all the trees green again.

He seemed to understand this and it made me very happy.

The concept of religion is a very complex (and personal) thing in our household; so it was nice to be able to give our son a grounding in a love and respect of nature while not miring him in too much dogma.

Happy holidays and happy new year to all. May this new year as always exceed the past and give way to even better tomorrows.

(Posted at 35,000 feet on an airplane! Whee!)

The movie “Fight Club” features a concept of the “Single Serving Friend.” On an airplane everything comes in Single Servings. Alcohol comes in little bottles; chips come in small bags; even the cutlery if you’re in first class is small.

Thanks to having a lot of miles of late (Two Cupertino trips Plus a first class trip to Seattle) I was able to upgrade my business trip back to Cupertino this week for miles alone. Traveling in First Class has its pluses and minuses. First class now a days means traveling with the 2nd .5%. And then the top 10% of the 99%. The top 10 of the 99% are cool. They know how much work and effort, it takes to get those upgrades. But the 2nd .5%… they are the scary ones.

These are the obviously wealthy, but not ludicrously wealthy. There is a gaudiness to the Swagger, Suit, Jewelry or attitude. Waiting on line to board I got to see one of these folk in action. In the city I often play a game I call “B or B” which stands for “Bluetooth or Bonkers.” Is the person talking to themselves or on a Bluetooth headset. The woman who wandered up to where we were queuing was not merely on a Bluetooth headset, but ranting at some poor invisible person like she was Bonkers. She was yelling to the person how even if she didn’t make her connection they would get her another plane. That there was no way she was missing this flight and there was no argument on this.

As she bickered with the luggage size limitation sign (as that’s where her eyes focused as she argued) she began inching closer to the front of the line. I was queued 3rd behind a very nice couple. I had my suit coat over one arm, I have a very nice red button down business shirt, and was waring my work back pack carrying my techno-stuff. When they called pre-boarding for small children and people needing assistance, she started to move forward and then seemed greatly put off that others were being boarded before her.

They then called first class and she moved in. “That’s alright we’re just queued here already,” I said in my standard Airport British Accent. When I don’t want to deal with people after they’ve been an ass in public, I put on a British accent. It really doesn’t accomplish anything; I think it’s merely a security blanket. Nonetheless, ignoring me and the nice couple she pushed in. Unfortunately, my backpack was there and she walked directly into it. She let out an unpleased oof, mixed with a sound that can only be described as the threat of an unwanted mastectomy. I of course as politely as possible turned about and said, “Oh dear, are you okay.” She was very angry. This was stunning as I actually hadn’t tried to get in her way, she just felt the need to be past me whether I was there or not.

As I looked down at her boarding pass I muttered, “Oh crap.” The nice couple said, “It wasn’t your fault. I wouldn’t worry about it.” I remarked, “No, I just saw her boarding pass, she’s sitting next to me for the next 4 hours..” “You’re the stronger person, I think you’ll survive.” (Mentally, I had an image of a Disco Ball crashing on the person’s head)

I got onto the plane and stood at my aisle seat. The woman looked at me and I said, “It looks like we’ll be sitting together then.” With a bit of venom she responded, “Well, obviously we’ve already gotten to know each other.”

Since then; not a word has passed between us. This is not surprising.

(You know, you really can’t write this stuff without living it.)

Apple Logo With Steve Jobs' SillhouetteTim Cook and many of the executives at Apple were chastised by Steve before his inevitable departure to not ask “What would Steve do?” in managing the company in his absence.

In my mind this is excellent, but only half guidance. The “Company that Steves Built” can not try to second guess all of Jobs answers to ever situation; however, where and more properly how can the guidance of Jobs be used to maintain and bring the company forward? I think the devil is in the details.

I’ve been reading Jobs’ biography. On the one hand he was a marketing and sales Genius. He saw long range better than any 10 executives saw short to medium range. With the original Mac, he saw the laptop. With the laptop he saw the tablet. But Jobs could also be a tyrannical monster and would occassionally let ego get in the way of solution. Compromise was not an option in his world and more often than not he was correct.

Jobs was a complicated individual (understatement) who combined paranoia with existential love, a Shoalin Master’s respect for beauty with a pit bulls vicious quest to market only best in class products. These things drove his expertise, his eye for detail, and his cruel treatment of anyone he didn’t respect.

I think this drives inherent hole in the entire “What would ##### do” mentality. Each person has to drive towards excellence; but they can only do so in their own way for themselves. A friend once told me that Dogma is the Excrement of Spiritual Realisation.

I think the question that Apple should ask is not “What would Steve do?” It is pretty much obvious what Jobs would do in most situations. I think his motivations and life of experiences and learning got him there. So I think the effective question that would better server Apple and could then be rolled out to other great leaders reduces very simply.

Why would Steve do?

With “Why would ##### do” we find the path to excellence rather than trying to emulate previous excellence for the wrong purposes.

This post is not for my dearest Heather (who really needs to stop reading this now) as she’s lived through this more than enough for five lifetimes.

I am still gathering thoughts and impressions over this. I also still fully intend to write a book on our experiences. But one can say that after three and a half years this part of the journey is over.

I am home recovering today because going back into work on the East Coast Monday morning after 10 days on the west coast and travelling roughly 8 hours on the day before with a 4am wake up and landing at midnight (Pacific) (an hour late) may not have been the wisest idea.

During the case we asked for $1.4(M). This was based on several things not the least was permanent spinal damage that was going to cause a life of pain managed by monthly prescriptions of closely monitored narcotics, MRIs every 1-2 years to assure the damage wasn’t getting worse, the loss of our ability to have further children (Narcotics really aren’t good for children in utero), and the general upheaval to our lives. (The breakdown was $1M for Heather, $300K for myself, and $100K for Aiden)

The testimony of the “Independent” Medical Examiners, which is legal talk for Doctors hired by the defense to destroy the credibility of the injured party, were horrifying. Both made Heather out to be someone who was suffering from Scoliosis from before the accident and overselling her pain. They also went so far as to say that narcotics were bad for her.

The closing argument from the defense attorney was horrid. Any desire I ever had for legal work evaporated as he bent the misinformation into truth and bent the truth into unreliability. It was in a word sickening. This included such statements as, “I’m an only child and I’m happy.” I do not know how this man lives with himself. And I hate the argument, “You were just doing your job.”

The jury came back and awarded fair damages for medical work done in Washington (<20K which will likely all go to repay subrogation), but once we moved it was considered unnecessary. I’m not really sure how leaving a state cures someone. They believed no future medical costs were necessary. There was some pain and suffering as Washington mandates its award if economic damages are awarded. On Aiden and my behalf they awarded chump change for pain and suffering. Of whatever we see, 25% goes to the lawyer as payment.

Our lawyer informed us that two jury members utterly believed our story and were prepared to offer us what we asked for. One elderly woman however utterly felt that Heather was a narcotics addict and believed everything else. And the rest of the jury… compromised in the middle. Well conservative side of middle.

We’ve now seen what works and what horrendously doesn’t work in the Justice system. We know the games and powers that insurance companies use to batter away at the will and confidence of victims.

Make no mistake, Heather has received permanent spinal injury from the accident that she was a victim of. The type of injury can cause an array of neurological damage that she as been blissfully spared (so far). At the same time it also causes pain that is on par with delivering a child 24/7 and will live with that forever.

The insurance company and the defense lawyer where solidly aware of that. But did their jobs to undermine her as a victim. That is their jobs. Ours is to learn and to change the system so that the innocent aren’t damaged to the level we were.