Tag Archive: ramblings


Please note that the title of this post is not, “why the hell am I still up?”

I got to bed a little before Midnight. I woke up and the clock said 4:35. I desperately tried to do the mental mathematics that explained that I’d been asleep an hour longer than I thought I had. But in truth.. I’d gotten about 5 hrs of sleep. This is less than usual… but not by much.

I’ve been sleeping fitfully of late. But it seemed like I might be able to get back to sleep. Nope. I was wide awake. Perhaps that hard cider before bed was not a good plan. Got dressed… meandered out to type a post. I figured it might be pithy.

The living room is beginning to almost take shape. Added some lamps today. There is no unnatural light in the room which is awesome by day (kinda) but a killer in the evening. (Fortunately, we don’t get much evening during this time of the year in this portion of the world)

I’ve run out of words. I’m awake but not really. Maybe I can bore myself back to sleep.

Dear Mr. President…

Dear, Mr. President…

It’s been a while since I’ve written. I wanted to tell you that my latest job opportunity didn’t come to fruition. This really isn’t important news for you, I realize you have your hands full. And your job situation looks like it’s approaching mine. I figured I should write you this time not asking for help or advice. There really isn’t a lot of point, because I’m pretty sure by this point you’re not reading my letters or at least not getting them. At first I thought you might be because many of my friends seem convinced that if you even put the word President in an online message; someone in the government will see it.

Today I wanted to write you because I know that in the next year or two you will also be on the job hunt. I wish I could say I know what it’s like to leave a job after eight years. In my world that’s an amazing accomplishment. My last three jobs haven’t lasted longer than about 2 1/2 years. But that’s pretty much from downsizing, lack of direction, change of direction, or failure to generate revenue. I’m pretty sure your job won’t be downsized anymore.

You see, the idea of career, finding a path; getting good at it, and being given stronger responsibilities over time. That idea is sort of dead in our country. I know, I know… we called it ‘the American Dream’ at one time. Making something out of nothing and prospering with it. Unfortunately, that’s really not the way it works anymore. You will find yourself in a job. You will have exaggerated enough on your resume about the work you do that you can learn how do to either the same thing you did in the last job or maybe an ounce more. With luck they won’t try to find out how that you’re mildly exaggerating because the truth of what you do is really of very little interest to them.

Once you find yourself in a job you should realize that the word career needs to be exorcised from your vocabulary. People aren’t hiring you as someone looking for their next job. Personally, your employer really doesn’t care about you. There is a reason that the department is called Human Resources. HR’s job is to fit you into a machine like a gear and then to supply you with sufficient oil so that you do not squeak. What this means is that training budgets are for managers to be able to move them around from group to group like blocks. Your actual workers.. they do the job while needed and no more or no less. Your personal growth in your field is in fact stunted passively by your work because this makes you more viable outside the company.

I tell you this, because jobs for ex-presidents are hard to come-by. Like you, I spent my last job making a very low 6 figure salary. I have survived (barely) over the last year on the little I could put away from my salary and my IRA. I of course had to break into that, but you’d know all the penalties one gets for needing to survive off their IRA. You set them. I figure that financially you probably earned the same amount as I did (If I’m reading your salary correctly). I couldn’t possibly imagine you’d take any of those extra funds that they always talk about in the newspapers that undermine the trust that we have for you. It almost seem like your cheating the system you’re designing rather than being one of the people you represent.

Personally, I’ll tell you. The job market isn’t so great. You will get turned down for jobs you’ve done in the past and the excuse will be, “You just aren’t qualified.” Because we’ve managed to protect businesses to the point that they can turn you down for all the reasons they aren’t supposed to but they don’t have to tell you either. All it takes is one previous company to lie about your history, and you’ll never know. Because they don’t have to tell you.

Mr. President, I hope you find work faster than I am. Because what happens is you question your own career choices too late and you realize you don’t have the means to start fresh. Well, sure, we should all be able to start fresh. I mean after 35 who says you can’t start a career. Hey, you’re over 50.. the law says, no discrimination over age. We’re both intelligent men. Well, I may be over estimating myself. I know at least one of us is. We should be able to do any job they put in front of us with two maybe three months of training. The problem is… employers don’t want us to love our work anymore. They want us to be our work and nothing else. Church, family, recreation… these are ideals of the old America. Now it’s 80-100 hour work weeks with no overtime because there are federal minimums companies can pay to duck that requirement. Health problems caused by overwork are easily replaced by policies that make complaining or inaccuracies that result from overwork grounds for termination.

The system is out there. And it really doesn’t care how much you want to work. Good luck out there Mr. President. It’s a scary system. But the one thing you can use to help you in the search when you’re out there. You made it possible. This is the result of your work.

May your God bless you as it would seem that mine has been unable to the past year.

Keep up the good fight. I know I will.
For my future child, for the people in my life I love dearly, for my wonderful spouse, and me.

Just keep trying.

Gnostic Ramblings

It is now nearly 3 am Pacific time. I am in bed. People on the east coast where I’ve just returned from are beginning to wake up. This evening I had a very interesting flight home. 3 specific things occurred.

1: I read the comic series Promethea. From start to about 20% into the second trade papeback. For more info on the first click here: Promethea (Book 1)

2: I went on an internal Gnostic Journey.

3: My single serving friend who turned out to be a Mormon Elder. So we spoke for about 2 hrs on the history, founding, and architecture of Mormonism.

This post deal with #2. I suppose we could thus call them Brain droppings.

What is contained below the cut was the stream of thoughts I went thru as best as my hands could keep up. Most won’t make sense. My internal voice is either my conscious thought or my un/sub-conscious quick response. The latter of which will hopefully be italicized.

For those that are curious…

I don’t like Mondays

And as a result of insomnia….

I don’t like Mondays

Recently I was introduced to a poly concept. Before I go into what that entails I should explain that I may be the most open minded while least experienced poly out there.Oh, there may easily be people far more open minded ‘poly’s than me, but most if not all probable have more experience. In fact, the amount of time that I have spent in my life openly dating more than one person at the same time (openly) may be less than 2 months.

So, for me there have been (at least not yet) no running triads, no experimental vees. No extended families, no maps of shame, no incestuous local groups… Mind you, I’m not opposed to any of these; the time just hadn’t come for me.

The path of poly discovery came up recently when a good friend told me he was having difficulty with someone he was interested in. The situation was that she was mono and her main problem was that, “She didn’t want to be Thursday.” I’d never heard the phrase before, but it didn’t take long for the mental hamsters to jump on the merry-wheel in my brain and crank out the explanation.

The poly date book. Many people have come to the conclusion that one can only be a successful poly if you have two rather complex arts mastered. Communication and Time Management. Personally, I’ve always been of the mindset that these things have little to do with Poly and have more to do with being a functioning adult who wishes to have functional relationships.

It strikes me that we’ve gotten to the point where our relationships get boiled down into which set of definitions we can put on them. I have a sudden vision of a little bird wandering lost on in the big city, walking up to a large vehicle and asking, “Are you my primary?” It honks and the bird responds, “No, You are not my primary, you are a honk.” Somewhere between blind NRE and scheduling a dentist’s appointment there must still be the life in a relationship.

I guess it’s ironic that as far as alternative lifestyles go, people need to find a way to have a set of terms and practices to shoehorn them together. I guess this is so that people have common terms with which to flame each other and stick their fingers in their ears and point and call others, ‘bad polys.’ Sadly, I guess in all of this I’m a bit shallow. I believe in making the relationship what it is. Feeling out what is good between myself and the other person. Making sure that whatever I’m doing isn’t making someone else in my life feel bad. Growing and shaping from there. Reluctance is a part of any relationship, but there’s no reason to start with reluctance based on what, ‘everyone else does.’ You and your partner aren’t everyone else. Hell, with luck you aren’t even you partner.

Oh, right… inexperienced guru talk about managing relationships. Well, as I said earlier, communication and time management; it’s not just something you se because you’ve upped the ante… or at least the number of people who have free roam in the kitchen. Everything is time management; visiting friends, doing work, partying, staying up late, loving your mate(s) (Err, separately or all at once)… And no, I’m not great at it. Hell, I think every day is more training in learning about time management and communication. The relationship is the people who love me because I’m always aspiring to make it fulfilling for those who love me as I love them… Not because I’m trying to make it like we read on the boards.

If there has been thousands of years of poetry, music, art, etc…. all dedicated to the pursuit, failings, and lack of understanding of the human heart… does it really make sense to try to categorize and shoehorn?

93 = YMMV

I don’t like Mondays.
This of course doesn’t mean that I’m not looking forwards to Thursdays… because I am 🙂