Author unknown…<\/p>\n
Associated Press (Gondor) – The streets of Minas Tirith were today
\nthronged with people protesting government plans to pursue a war
\nagainst Mordor. Thousands of Gondorian citizens were bolstered by a
\nlarge contingent of Easterlings, Southrons and swarthy half-men from
\nBree, as well as isolated representatives from other races. Most
\nprotestors agreed that the current White Council policy of sending
\nlone hobbits into Mordor was the correct one under the circumstances
\nand Sauron had as yet given no greater cause to widen any operations
\nagainst him.<\/p>\n
\n“Sauron has given repeated assurances that he has no interest in
\nacquiring Rings of Power” said Ilmiris, daughter of Manador,
\nspokesperson for the marchers. “Ever since his invasion of Eriador
\nwas defeated at the end of the second age, Sauron has been a shadow
\nof his former self, howling in the wilderness. It is unthinkable that
\nhe should ever grow once again into a threat to the free peoples of
\nthe world. This proposed war is one of pure imperialist aggression by
\nAragorn son of Arathorn. It was his ancestor who started the last war
\nagainst Mordor, and Aragorn just wants to prove that he can be just
\nas good at warfare as his grandaddy was.”<\/p>\n
Grima Wormtongue, spokesman for White Council chairman Saruman the
\nWhite, was quick to agree. “Sauron is no threat to the West, none at
\nall. He desires simply to be left alone. The threats to attack Mordor
\nsimply reflect the desire of Aragorn to control the rich natural
\nresources of molten lava, volcanic dust and tangled brambles that
\nexist there. All right thinking people should reject this without
\nthinking too deeply. I repeat: do not think too deeply, especially
\nabout the people Sauron has killed. You will only upset yourself
\nunnecessarily.”<\/p>\n
On the face of it, the peace protestors have a point. Weapons
\ninspectors dispatched to Mordor by the White Council have found
\nevidence of Ring of Power manufacturing facilities, but they appear
\nnot to have been used in some time; perhaps not since the end of the
\nSecond Age. However, hawks in the Aragorn administration insist that
\nSauron remains a threat. Gandalf the Grey, member of the White
\nCouncil and reputed Maiar from the West, insisted that Sauron desires
\nRings of Power with all his might, and would not rest until he had
\ncast a second darkness over all the free peoples of Middle Earth. In
\na passionate speech to the people of Gondor, he repeated his warning
\nthat the old alliance between men and elves was in danger of
\nfracturing and leaving all vulnerable. Gandalf went on to list the
\ninfractions of White Coucil resolutions breached by Sauron, including
\nsending Fell Beasts into the No-fly zone over Dagorlad, maintaining
\nRing of Power forging capability in Orodruin, and breeding orcs in
\nvast numbers. “It is this fast-breeder orc technology that concerns
\nus, as it can be used to develop weapons-grade Uruk-Hai”, said
\nGandalf.<\/p>\n
In addition, Gandalf noted that although Sauron had been defeated at
\nthe end of the second age, his entire Republican Guard of nine Nazgul
\nhad been left intact, giving him a significant military presence with
\nwhich to build upon.<\/p>\n
“There is no purpose for such preparations other than for one
\npurpose – to destroy the world of men”, insisted Gandalf. Sceptics
\namongst the campaigners were unmoved by this line, insisting that if
\nRings of Power were so bad why it was that Lothlorien and the Grey
\nHavens, both known ringbearing powers, were not also subject to
\nweapons inspection. “The elves just want to keep all the Rings to
\nthemselves and in that way maintain their power over the earth. All
\ntheir fancy rhetoric about their time ending and wanting to leave men
\nto govern themselves is so much whitewash” said Ilmiris. “They’re
\njust afraid that if Sauron gains access to Ring of Power technology
\nhe will pose a threat to their hegemonic ambitions in the East.<\/p>\n
“Sauron has offered all assistance he can muster to aid the lone
\nhobbits if only we’d tell him where they are, and it is symptomatic
\nof the west that Gandalf and his cronies are trying to keep their
\noperations in Mordor secret. How can we expect Sauron to be
\ncompletely helpful if we act like this?”<\/p>\n
Policy watches have also made the point that Sauron is also a Maiar
\nfrom the west, and like Gandalf has previously been under the
\nsponsorship of the Valar. They have suggested that the Valar should
\nnot have bolstered a tyrant like Sauron and that they should have
\nseen the consequences coming. Marchers echoed these comments.<\/p>\n
“Yeah, Sauron might be a dangerous tyrant,” said Hilamdril, an elf
\nfrom Rivendell, “who has killed hundreds and thousands of his own
\npeople. But let’s face it; they’re only orcs and goblins, so who
\ngives a f*ck about them?<\/p>\n
“Let ’em f*ckin’ die”, continued Hilamdril. “I’m alright, Jack.”<\/p>\n
In related news, cracks in the old alliance between men and elves
\ncontinued to widen after the Men of Dunland refused to allow elven
\narchers to be stationed in Dale and Erebor in case of attack from
\nMordor. Dunlandish spokesmen indicated that they felt there was no
\ndanger, and to act so would be ‘provocative’ to the peace-loving
\nMordor people.<\/p>\n
The spokesman went on to indicate they they felt the alliance was no
\nlonger necessary in the nice, safe modern world, and it had no
\nfurther purpose since the walls of Utumno fell and Morgoth was exiled
\nat the end of the first age.<\/p>\n