Author unknown…

Associated Press (Gondor) – The streets of Minas Tirith were today
thronged with people protesting government plans to pursue a war
against Mordor. Thousands of Gondorian citizens were bolstered by a
large contingent of Easterlings, Southrons and swarthy half-men from
Bree, as well as isolated representatives from other races. Most
protestors agreed that the current White Council policy of sending
lone hobbits into Mordor was the correct one under the circumstances
and Sauron had as yet given no greater cause to widen any operations
against him.


“Sauron has given repeated assurances that he has no interest in
acquiring Rings of Power” said Ilmiris, daughter of Manador,
spokesperson for the marchers. “Ever since his invasion of Eriador
was defeated at the end of the second age, Sauron has been a shadow
of his former self, howling in the wilderness. It is unthinkable that
he should ever grow once again into a threat to the free peoples of
the world. This proposed war is one of pure imperialist aggression by
Aragorn son of Arathorn. It was his ancestor who started the last war
against Mordor, and Aragorn just wants to prove that he can be just
as good at warfare as his grandaddy was.”

Grima Wormtongue, spokesman for White Council chairman Saruman the
White, was quick to agree. “Sauron is no threat to the West, none at
all. He desires simply to be left alone. The threats to attack Mordor
simply reflect the desire of Aragorn to control the rich natural
resources of molten lava, volcanic dust and tangled brambles that
exist there. All right thinking people should reject this without
thinking too deeply. I repeat: do not think too deeply, especially
about the people Sauron has killed. You will only upset yourself
unnecessarily.”

On the face of it, the peace protestors have a point. Weapons
inspectors dispatched to Mordor by the White Council have found
evidence of Ring of Power manufacturing facilities, but they appear
not to have been used in some time; perhaps not since the end of the
Second Age. However, hawks in the Aragorn administration insist that
Sauron remains a threat. Gandalf the Grey, member of the White
Council and reputed Maiar from the West, insisted that Sauron desires
Rings of Power with all his might, and would not rest until he had
cast a second darkness over all the free peoples of Middle Earth. In
a passionate speech to the people of Gondor, he repeated his warning
that the old alliance between men and elves was in danger of
fracturing and leaving all vulnerable. Gandalf went on to list the
infractions of White Coucil resolutions breached by Sauron, including
sending Fell Beasts into the No-fly zone over Dagorlad, maintaining
Ring of Power forging capability in Orodruin, and breeding orcs in
vast numbers. “It is this fast-breeder orc technology that concerns
us, as it can be used to develop weapons-grade Uruk-Hai”, said
Gandalf.

In addition, Gandalf noted that although Sauron had been defeated at
the end of the second age, his entire Republican Guard of nine Nazgul
had been left intact, giving him a significant military presence with
which to build upon.

“There is no purpose for such preparations other than for one
purpose – to destroy the world of men”, insisted Gandalf. Sceptics
amongst the campaigners were unmoved by this line, insisting that if
Rings of Power were so bad why it was that Lothlorien and the Grey
Havens, both known ringbearing powers, were not also subject to
weapons inspection. “The elves just want to keep all the Rings to
themselves and in that way maintain their power over the earth. All
their fancy rhetoric about their time ending and wanting to leave men
to govern themselves is so much whitewash” said Ilmiris. “They’re
just afraid that if Sauron gains access to Ring of Power technology
he will pose a threat to their hegemonic ambitions in the East.

“Sauron has offered all assistance he can muster to aid the lone
hobbits if only we’d tell him where they are, and it is symptomatic
of the west that Gandalf and his cronies are trying to keep their
operations in Mordor secret. How can we expect Sauron to be
completely helpful if we act like this?”

Policy watches have also made the point that Sauron is also a Maiar
from the west, and like Gandalf has previously been under the
sponsorship of the Valar. They have suggested that the Valar should
not have bolstered a tyrant like Sauron and that they should have
seen the consequences coming. Marchers echoed these comments.

“Yeah, Sauron might be a dangerous tyrant,” said Hilamdril, an elf
from Rivendell, “who has killed hundreds and thousands of his own
people. But let’s face it; they’re only orcs and goblins, so who
gives a f*ck about them?

“Let ’em f*ckin’ die”, continued Hilamdril. “I’m alright, Jack.”

In related news, cracks in the old alliance between men and elves
continued to widen after the Men of Dunland refused to allow elven
archers to be stationed in Dale and Erebor in case of attack from
Mordor. Dunlandish spokesmen indicated that they felt there was no
danger, and to act so would be ‘provocative’ to the peace-loving
Mordor people.

The spokesman went on to indicate they they felt the alliance was no
longer necessary in the nice, safe modern world, and it had no
further purpose since the walls of Utumno fell and Morgoth was exiled
at the end of the first age.

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