I enter the next chapter of my life today. The Earth merrily goes whizzing about the universe. Somewhere around 9:26 am local time this morning I will have travelled just over 24.5 billion miles through the universe. Actually, I’ve just been going around in circles… But that’s okay.
Andrei in interview-mode. Click-for-larger.
A smaller circle is about to close as well. After 4 months of unemployment and after my 2nd layoff in one year, I will return to work. My job takes me back ‘home’ to Pittsburgh. I do consider Pennsylvania my home. I wasn’t born there; I haven’t lived there in over a decade, but I lived there the longest.
The job is everything I could have wished for in a return to the Three River City. The pay is nearly triple what I made when I left the city. The job is at the top of Gateway Centre near the point looking out over the Allegheny River at the new stadiums. I am architecting software solutions from the ground up for the Mac platform; not as a simply shoehorn Windows port. I will likely work on Apple technologies across the board.
The employer moved VERY fast. I was told after each phone screen to not expect a response for 2-3 days only to hear back within hours. The tech screen was an amazing experience. I spent several hours (6) meeting and interviewing with the entire team in Pittsburgh on Wednesday. By that afternoon there was talk that there would be an offer. By the next day there was talk that contract was likely off the table. Today, two days later, there’s a full time offer and I start in 9 days.
My start will be a flight to Pittsburgh to orient, sign papers, get some initial work started and of course find a place to live. The entire family will be out for that trip and any and all help is warmly appreciated. Heather needs to fly back early for an important meeting. I haven’t begun to even make these plans yet.
PNC Park from the Office Kitchen.
I then telecommute in Missouri for three weeks while we organise the second full interstate move in one year. We have three weeks to tear down our life here and get it set back up in a yet to be discovered location in Western PA. Those are the dates.
Many people have asked me how the family feels about this. I’ll be honest. Heather was initially more eager. My reservations will come next. The reality is that leaving St. Louis will be hard. Aiden has settled in with a wonderful Montessori school and is now at the age where a move may be jarring to him. Heather has just found a Pain Management clinic (since her accident) that is actually beginning to manager her pain. We also have formed a VERY close bond to 2 families out here. Leaving them will be difficult. Granted… it really hasn’t been a greatly social life so we don’t really have more than about that.
For me, my last time in Pittsburgh was a time of growing up and shedding some very bad behaviours. It was a time of learning some truths about myself. I also lived through some incredible and often horrendous personal drama. Granted we’re looking at the ages of 16-30. I often look on my life in segments. 0-10 was normal, 11-20 I got broken, 21-30 I lived broken, 30-40 I did repair, 40 I approached normal. As you can see… My Western PA years weren’t my best.
But, partly to Facebook and mostly to the passage of time, I’ve mellowed and people I have known have mellowed and we’ve reconnected. For a while I was admittedly worried about visiting because I thought there were people actively looking to get back at me. We can call this “The paranoid delusions of youth.” Granted, when you’re chased out of Kings Court theatre by 3 guys that are twice your size… sometimes paranoia has its place.
In the past year I have reconnected (at least online) with people that I went to elementary school with in Eastern PA, with High School companions, with college classmates, and even a wealth of friends, ex-girlfriends, housemates, what have you; from those scary 20s. Translation: I think I may have buried all the hatchets out there.
Of course there is my blood family. Those who know me know that this is a can of worms that really explains my discomfort with worms. This is a situation that I found I cured by moving far away. I took on a name change to celebrate my new family. Personally, I wish I could tell the world I was returning and convince them I was moving to Istanbul. I don’t have any answers for this. It honestly scares me.
So, what else could have been the concern for me? “You can never go home.” Words, from one of my oldest friends from Pittsburgh. Someone I lost contact with for 11 years who I stumbled upon about 3 weeks before the job that would bring me back. We often referred to Pittsburgh as “The Gravity Well.” People couldn’t or more accurately wouldn’t leave. There’s a wonderful ‘blue-collar’ charm to Pittsburgh but some can see that as a detriment as well as an enhancement.
5611 Fair Oaks, Freeple training ground
For a while when the job was first floated near me… I wondered if a return was a badge of failure. The perception was (to me) that I couldn’t make it in California or Washington or even Missouri (No offence to MO). But the truth I realised was just the opposite. I’d left to find my way into a profession that was entirely self-taught. I have a career that I learned from reading on my own and on-the-job experience. And now, I will get to practice that career in a building that I always looked up to as a college student/graduate and know that it was my ability and the truth of my place in my career that got me there.
It may not be a gold-plated garage in Silicon Valley or a show I am directing on Broadway; but it’s getting paid to do what I love around people that I do in fact love just as much. People I have missed. (Some people… not so much… but with a kid… you prioritise)
The adventure starts anew. I swore at the age of 8 that I would live to the age of 108. Well, more correctly I told my dad I wanted to live to see what became of America had it survived to the Tricentennial. My wife has asked for an extra 7 days so that I don’t pass before or on her birthday.
So let’s just call this exploration into my history as a ‘third-life’ crisis. And see where the next two lifetimes take me.
Hello Pittsburgh… I’m coming home . 🙂
P.S. This is the reason the blog has been quiet for a week or two. If you want specific details about my time in Pittsburgh house hunting, or to help, or to reconnect, or to connect… Email me at author’s link. Or by any of my social networking feeds.
See also: The Living Artist Blog on the same topic.
“You can never go home again Oatman, but I guess you can shop there.” -Grosse Pointe Blank
When people say you can never go home again, they mean that it’s never the same as when you were a kid. The landmarks and culture change over time, but more importantly, you change. It’s kind of like watching the new Star Wars movies. Even if Lucas had given us a tour de force on par with the original movies (which he obviously didn’t), we have changed. Anyone who saw the originals as a kid would have been disappointed with the new movies, because we have lost the ability to experience them as kids.
When it comes to going back to a place where terrible things happened to you, I think going back when you have done the work to start recovery from the terrible things can be incredibly empowering. A lot of the bad things that happened to you in Pittsburgh happened at an age when you had very little agency in your own life. You expressed your agency by rejecting those who hurt you and getting out. You will be returning in a state of much greater agency in your life. This time, you get to choose where you live and whom you share your life with. You will have a greater opportunity to enjoy the good things that exist in a place you lived for long enough that it will resonate with you in ways that other places will not.
I don’t know if I will ever go back, but living in MO has made me long for the good things I remember about living in Texas.
I totally agree with everything said and have felt the same sentiments as time goes on. I’ve always used the phrase “I go forwards, not backwards” — meaning..that I never move back from where I came from — and that includes the places along the way. I’ve now forced myself to revisit that phrase lately — again, realizing that I can go back but more on my own terms. I’ve noticed time does indeed heal wounds — and that I can now look at Reading (Pennsylvania) and look at the good times and experience that nostalgia.