Tag Archive: formspring question

This is another posting that are comes from the site Formspring. Again, these will be marked with a FQ at the beginning of the post title and the post will be appropriately tagged. (Eventually, I’ll stop adding this upper bit)

Is there anything you wish you could do over and do differently, and if so, what? Is it possible to live a life without regrets, or are just the words of the young and arrogant?

Nothing beats a light-hearted and easy question. Once again I have to give two answers to the first part. The quick answer, which is not the accurate one, is “Of course, there’s tonnes I’d love to go change.” (Correct answer is forthcoming)

I’m one of those people who’d love to go back in time and whisper in my younger self’s ear a few choice phrases at the right time. I’d love to lose a few savings accounts and find a couple of lost treasures. My grandmother’s kitchen table had SCORES of photos from my youth from the time I was born until about the age of 10. I would KILL to see those photos again. As it is, I now have ONE photo from my childhood that is not a school picture. And even those are only recent additions.

There are {en:Significant_other|SOs} that I’d love to stop my self from dating and mistakes I made in the carelessness of youth. There’s one very special person to me that I lost due to a combination of bad timing, bad decisions, and worst of all: being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Do I wish I could do over and do differently. … The correct answer is “No.” Does the idea entertain me to no end? Oh, absolutely. And I can sum up the accurate reason for never wishing this in one word. “Aiden.” I wouldn’t have my son in my life right now if anything in my life had been different. Even though the film is utterly traumatic, I recommend “The Butterfly Effect.” Actually, I don’t. I think I’d like to go back and prevent myself from having seen it. Read {en:Ray_Bradbury|Bradbury}’s “{en:A_Sound_of_Thunder|A Sound of Thunder}” from his collection “{en:R_is_for_Rocket|R is for Rocket}” ({en:Serenity_(film)|Yes, I’ve read a book. Try not to faint.})

And anyway I did role-playing games as a kid. I know what a Dungeon Master thinks when you make a wish. This never works out well. This is a true moment to enjoy what you have and not try to “what if” yourself into “what could have been” from the myriad of infinity. Granted… Having a child you love will do that to you.

But wait… there is more. Is it possible to live a life without regrets, or are these (ed. mine) just the words of the young and the arrogant?

I must greatly fight the urge to type, “Yes” and then end the post. But would I regret such a move? Personally, I think regret is a natural process of maturation. Just because you’ve done something that in your heart was the best decision, it doesn’t mean it’s not going to hurt, cause annoyance, sadness, … what have you.

I am estranged from the immediate blood family that raised me. This was neither an easy decision nor a quick one. It took a lot of soul searching, a lot of learning who I am, and what I need to be a healthy and functional individual. Most of this happened as the result of the loss of my father. Some could reason that his condition was aided by me telling him to go to a shelter. There have been so many things that I have done, that even after years of doubt and pain, in my mind, I know they were the right things. Doesn’t make it any easier. Not having a father today to ask what I was like as a boy as I try to raise my own… Oh, yeah… There’s sadness and sometimes there is even depression.

Look at the definition… It’s {en:Regret_(emotion)|regret}. I think it’s actually an incorrect definition of ‘regret’ that causes the young and arrogant to say that they shall live without regret. The problem is that most people think, “If I have regret; then I admit that what I did was wrong.” There are many actions I wish I had not done. Some seemed like the right decision at the time. Some still seem like the right decision. Some absolutely were the right decision and I still wish I hadn’t done them.

Do I feel that I had consciously violated ethics or morality in my life? No. Do I feel that I have actively been dishonourable at points in my life? I do not know. I think honour is one of those things that is like Karma. It can be spent and earned. Honour is not something we teach to the young. Matter of fact we completely cheapen the idea of Honour by tying it to excellence, which is at times very far from Honour. And as an A-Honour roll student in my youth… I know of what I speak.

Do I reflect on actions of my youth and question my ethics at time? Oh hells yes. I can clearly see one if not two people who I can say I acted beyond improperly with and would twelve-step myself oblivion to try to make amends for the behaviour of an under-21-year old. One person that I knew has said they don’t even want to hear my name again. So much for forgiveness. These are in addition to the person I lost.

I’ve made mistakes. Granted, I don’t think that I’ve actively ever set out to hurt anyone. I have called people out on breaking the rules and have been tenacious about it. I’ve had less than pure thoughts and thank the universe that I’m Jewish and don’t believe in Hell.

So, I have regrets. This doesn’t answer the question. The question was: Is it possible to live life without regret, or are these just words for the young and arrogant. The reduction is Yes. Yes on the first half, no on the second. I think inevitably people have to decide for themselves those wonderful old concepts of “Right and Wrong” and the relative responsibility for actions in relation to a persons place and emotional connection to it.

Huh? Well, lets be honest. A psychopath isn’t going to feel any regrets or any emotion about their behaviours and they come in all ages and arrogance isn’t always on the menu.

Scared yet :?)

This is the first of several postings that are coming from the site Formspring. Typically, these will be marked with a FQ at the beginning of the post title and maybe tagged.

Would you go into Theatre if you make the same money as you do now?

I’m going to have to go at this from two angles. Currently, I am unemployed. So my income is not what it ‘typically’ is as a full-time, corporate, Apple Product, 3rd-party, software engineer. So right now, it actually wouldn’t be too difficult to find a Theatre gig that pays comparable to what I’m currently not making.

But let’s assume that the Theatre gig is offering what I normally take in a year as an engineer. I suppose the best way to respond is ZOMFG HELL, YES. (With a dose of caveat.)

I LOOOOOOUUUUURRRRVVVVVEEEE the theatre. And my highest love of theatre comes from working on a show as the artistic director. Oh, sure… I love to act too, but that’s just a lark, not a passion.

To me, directing is a combination of: (deep breath) artistic planner, sports coach, symphony conductor, cat herder, mentor, despot, chief technical officer, professor, tyrant, puppeteer, guru, art critic, amateur writer, and kid in a candy store. And you get to do all these things with everyone else’s talent.

The last taste of this that I had was about 2 ½ years ago, just after the birth of my son. I was to be artistic director on a semi-professional, touring musical production. I did a good deal of the casting and had to pull out when I cast my wife (not out of nepotism) in a role and then left nobody to watch the baby. Even after out of the production I was still able to add casting assistance when there were late emergencies by the company.

Of course there is that caveat. The reality that I cannot return to theatre for at least another 2-3 years for just the reason listed above. Right now, my biggest concern is providing for my family and especially my child. Not just financially but as a present father. I want to be someone who’s there to be close during his first formularize years. I figure once he’s 6-7 he will have been raised with the maturity to spend evenings at the theatre with his dad and possibly even auditions for shows if he’s interested.

Personally, I wish money weren’t the motivating force of this question. I do the things I do out of passion and love for the activity. I make money out of the desire to be able to stably provide for my family.

Short and sweet, I hope it answers the question.