Tag Archive: mood

Well, not so much.

Last week my laptop decided to eat my internal hard drive. This is, of course, “Not a good thing”™

Fortunately,at the first sign of danger I stepped up my backups. Granted, the amount of space to store back ups and run from those is a bit limited. Add to that the lack of time I have at home to do computer work… and you get the idea.

But… It’s been busy. Work has me on a very complicated and involved project. The nifty thing is that the end user really won’t see the result of my work in the next release even if this project is entirely successful. I’ll see how much I can blog about the specifics, but my guess is (obviously) very little.

On the weekends we try to be far more active with him. Yesterday for example we went to Oloteas. This actually yielded an amazing ‘Aiden milestone.’ There is a nice heated pool at the facilities. The pool area has a load of floatation ‘noodles’. Basically long rolls of foam stuff that float. We were able to put one under each of Aiden’s arms. He was floating on them with his head over water and started kicking his legs. I started to release my hold on him and he continued to balance his floating. I let go and he managed to kick his legs to propel himself towards H. So unassisted (except by a floatation device) he kept his head above water, kicked to propel and was untouched by either of us.

In home life, it’s fairly quiet in the evenings. Dinner and putting Aiden down at night. Granted… since ‘out’ isn’t really part of the answer right now, I have to find online or television diversions. My latest has been Wikipedia. I am a registered editor. I’d been spending some time just messing with wiki editing by working on a user page. Other people also afflicted with the WikiEditor gene are welcomed to comment on my talk page as I’m keeping a list of WikiEditors that I know personally. (I currently list 2)

Recently, I started editing some of the few pages I feel competent to work on. I promptly discovered the joy that is a Wikipedia Edit War. So as to try to prevent the page I wanted to edit from crashing and burning; I started to learn a whole bucket full of Wikipedia Policy. I think I did a good job because I seem to have resolved the situation in just a few days.

So, I don’t really get out much at all. Of course next weekend I will be in “NEW JERSEY” for the Crucible conference as a speaker. I do strongly invite anyone who can make it out to this to come join in the experience. H and A will be at home helping our new boarder move in. (Details on that are in locked non-public postings)

My mood is at about a B-. I’m having some back issues that I associate with that mystic number 40. Work and home are a strain, but there has been unending support. (Huge blessings upon shimmeringjemmy and faerievixen2)

More soon; but the couch is vaguely uncomfortable.

Today is fired…

Just one of those days where I’m searching for the good thing to happen.

Among today’s list:
Work annoyances
Internal Hard drive on laptop (read lifeline) dying
Websites down (wikipedia and BankOfAmerica)
Other unmentionable things that don’t make me happy.

Good wishes appreciated. Mood… not so hot.

Edit: 13:16 FWIW I’ve just been notified by a dear friend of some really horrifying news that just makes the rest of the day seem peachy keen in comparison. Not that I wouldn’t want to know this information but the timing just isn’t what I was looking for. (This involves someone that 99+% of my readership is unlikely to know.)

Edit: 13:45 And I finally got a system stable enough to read my personal email. Not news I wanted to see today. Well, ever actually. Anyone else?

Edit: 16:09 Detail on the 13:16. A gentleman I respected in the SCA was critically injured yesterday in a fall. While he survived, doctors expect him not to last the day.

I love my life…

I love my life..

I have not worked in a year. And this sucks. I work towards getting work every day and I remain optimistic that my employability is not completely over.

That being said.

I am very much in love with a woman who’s agreed to be a part of my life for as long as there is Will to love. A woman who I am not afraid to raise a child with which she will bring forth from both of us in 5 months. I am in love with someone else who loves me back for who I am even though the timing in my life leaves me at times stressed.

I am doing work on a volunteer level that I love. It is one part clerical, one part theatrical, and one part personally spiritual. I don’t always agree with everyone in the group… but that’s okay. It’s the nature of the work we are doing. Over time I have become a real and recognized Ordained Priest. I feel still compatible with the beliefs I was raised with and believe my religion and faith to be strong. I perform religious ceremony, pastoral work, and organizational support work. And even when it frustrates me… I am still happy to be able to do the work.

I have people entering into my life on a social level. Some I’m dating, some I’m developing deeper friendships with. I have activities I participate in. I have projects I do. I am developing a business.

Oh… I have a cat. She’s a freak. Her mass increases by 25 times in the middle of the night when she climbs into bed and hogs the covers.

And one more thing that will be posted in a moment. Yes, as for now.

I love my life.

This evening I went to see Bewitched. This posting may have several spoilers for that film in it. Trust me… you don’t care.

This is also one of those posts where I try to say something pithy and deep and not get so involved that I just cut off at the end having run out of thought process.

Bewitched… well, it didn’t suck. At least if I keep telling myself that… I may believe it. Bewitched reminded me of “All That Jazz” or at least one running story in the film. In “All That Jazz” Bob Fos Joe Gideon is trying to edit a film together. He keeps editing and re-editing it hoping that the film will not suck when it is released. Bewitched honestly feels like it was retooled at least six times before it made it to the final product. This film suffered from a disjointed plot, characters that show up late in the film to help fix the plot holes, and rewinding 20-30 minutes of the film so the plot can have a ‘do over.’ Now don’t get me wrong. Steve Carell may finally have found his calling as a Paul Lynde impersonator. I mean, hell, where have we been all these years without a person who can do Paul Lynde. (Yes, Virginia, there are rhetorical questions)

But none of this really directly has to do with the purpose of this post. Bewitched was exactly what I needed tonight. Something to put me into my element.

Today was a bumpy day for me. Which is okay, it’s been a bumpy week. Currently I am waiting for an appeal hearing to see if they will approve my unemployment. I am waiting to hear whether or not I can iron out this continually just out of reach contract. I am waiting on my moving van that “shoooould” be here Sunday. I am waiting to tell everyone about this killer idea we’ve been working up. I am waiting to be me again. I feel massively in flux and detached from my element.

Granted if you were to ask me what my element is, I might respond like Fezzik when Vizinni told him to “Finish him your way.”
“Oh good, my way. Thank you Vizzini… which one’s my way?”

They (Oh no, attack of the accursed ‘they’ and the things they) say that Magick is the art of changing the universe to be in conformity with the will. Or put more succinctly, the Magickian changes the world around him. You know, you just don’t get more change transforming the street in front of your house from Los Angeles to Snohomish. They also say, be careful what you wish for… you may just get it.

So here I am. My bumpy day. Now, I’ve gotten really good about not throwing drama around. Those who knew me 20, 15, 10, heck even 5 years ago, would be surprised that I’m no longer a drama magnet. I really have come to the point to believe that if you’re really in a mental place, you really should be able to work it thru without dragging everyone else into your hell. Because, it’s not really hell. Major change takes adjustment, and sometimes you feel really out of sorts in these times.

I absolutely trust those around me to be understanding, but I’d really prefer not to have to rely on people to pick me up. Having recently been shot up the a*# with morphine, I can understand the idea of the time for strong medicine and the ease with which one can get addicted. I know I can turn to my loved ones and friends when it’s really necessary, and I can also judge when not to. Each person has their life, we really try not to get in the natural course of each other.

So tonight, I decided a movie was in due course. I knew going in that a random character would show up at the end to ‘fix things’ … sorta… but I wanted to see it. And just to state a simple fact…. I don’t get Will Ferrell. I don’t understand why people think he’s funny. I’m a mutant… I get that. But I honestly don’t understand why people like the guy. All I want to do is knee him in the crotch or hit him with a shovel. (And to all the WF fans out there, want and action are two different things. If you hear that some guy has kneed or spade him.. it wasn’t me.)

I watched the film. I analyzed it a little during. I felt the same retooling feeling that I got during Emperor’s New Groove. Afterwards in the car, we chatted about the film. We took it apart. I was doing something me-like. It felt good. It felt like me. I’m still in there. Okay. I’ve moved from a city of 3.7 Million people to a city of just under 10,000. Okay, there are fewer people in Snohomish that were at Pennsic XXX. I have no furniture, I have prospects, I have stuff coming. But I’m still here…. I’m still me.

I wish I didn’t need to find a reminder today. And that will be the stuff of meditation over the next few days…. or years. But it helps me learn more about me. Personally, about the only job that I’ve really been good at. It’s a continuing one that I’m pretty sure I don’t have to worry about being laid off from. I’m just happy that I’ve had a thrilling set of coworkers over the years who’ve made my job increasingly easier when the management has thrown bizarre new challenges at me after promotions.

Yeah… figure that last one out on your own. Cause somewhere in there… I think the last 42 words…. may be something to help me with my waiting.

It’s been a bumpy day… but hey, without the bumps… things get too boring and mundane.

P.S.: Yes, she really was walking two llamas down the sidewalk. Weird. “I think I’m gonna like it here!” – Annie