At the airport waitng for my flight to board. Now, when I fly it’sdown to a science. Dress jacket, button down shirt, sandals. Stuff the computer bag with any and all cables. Metal and electronics in the jacket. Two bins. Drop the jacket, pull the laptop, carryone first, bins, laptop bag.
Security never bothers me.
Except today. First there was a woman (about 55-65ish) who didn’t comprehend the airport. She was actually whimpering about not knowing where ticketing was. She reached into the belt and bins and grabbed at thingsthat weren’t hers; including my stuff. Then… then the laptob bag’s strap got stuck in the belt. For five minutes 2 first-level TSA drones tried to extract it while whimpering lay ran in and out of the gate trying to pull her bags out from behind mine.
Ah, But this time…this time…. this time, I had packed too many cables. The bag looked suspicious. I got to take a trip to the side tables for the special treatment. Everything was removed: batteries, cables, pills, dvds, books, book of the law, power adapters… And then. THE COTTON SWAB.
Throughout all of this I am being kind. I am smiling, telling the drone what each cable is. I figured, I should just be helpfu— *BEEP*BEEP*BEEP* “We have an alarm over here.” The machine belched out a receipt.
The next tiered drone comes over. “The machine found traces of nitro glycerine on your bag.” Not having as much fun now. He assures me it’s very common. They copy down every piece of info from my drivers licence and boarding pass. The computer bag and contents win another trip through Captain XRAY. Iget a pat down and a kind thank you.
It’s a good thing I get here early. I wonder if this will appear on my permanent (fed) record now. I guess I should have shaved before going to the airport. I am now officially and evilman, I guess.
Please pardon typos, the airport has no net and the treo has a reallysmall keyboard. I’ll fix the typos later.