Archive for February 17th, 2008

Please read carefully, This is not what you think it is.

Also, with due respect to the people I do consider friends and loved ones who’ve posted on this topic; this is not a personal attack on you.

Comments are not screened. If you’ve ever had a smidge of a crush on me and you haven’t let me know about it; I really don’t want you to comment about it quietly and secretly in my journal. Personally, I’d rather you tell me. Face to face.

See, more often than naught, I consider myself the monarch of low self-image. Therefore, I tend not to ask (anymore) to see if people crush on me. I tried it once a while ago. I got no responses. And with a friend’s list at the time numbering about 150 of which I had crushes on no less than about 45 people… it was… well not what I was hoping for. Amusingly, the girlfriend at the time opted not to respond either assuming I’d get lots of responses.

I contemplated why I posted it. What good would it do me? X, Y, and Z might have a crush on me. Oh gosh I hope Y tells me they have a crush on me? Oh, wait… what do I do if X tells me they have a crush on me.. I hope they don’t. Why open myself to all this? Well, the result was fun. No one I was interested in replied… no one I wasn’t interested in replied.

I like to resort to my rather dense side on this topic. When I’m out with someone I’m really more interested in learning about them and being myself with them instead of trying to fish for a pick up. I’d love to think people are crushing on me. But I really don’t want to bait it on LiveJournal. If someone likes me… I’d really the person to tell me. Preferably in person. I don’t have a lot of time to get out anymore. So I’d like to see someone who takes the time to become involved with me.

So, I guess; wondering if I have secret crushes out there over me doesn’t interest me anymore because I don’t have time for them. I don’t have the time to put in the energy in the delusion that someone that I think is attractive to me in an intellectual, personality, or physical way; actually will desire to do more than interact with me as a friend. In truth being told someone has a crush on me feels more like a tease than anything else.

I’ve kept too many personal fires in the past two years for people who I know have no plans to help me fan them.

Feel free to comment below. I won’t mock you, only you and I and anyone who chooses to read the comments of this post will ever know.

This is also an anti-meme. Meaning I’m not trying to spread my thoughts to others… I’m just speaking my own mind.

P.S. despite the tone of this I am in a good mood and the tone of this is meant to be matter of fact.

Protected: Chapter 0: Critique and Version 2 rewrite

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