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I haven’t posted here since the interview. As anyone left reading can tell.

There have been a few things that have contributed to this.

  1. From the time of the interview I had a verbal job offer within 2 days. I was in town for a week 2 weeks after, had 3 weeks to move, didn’t find a house, moved to an apartment and this weekend I’m moving into the house we finally found.
  2. We were initially unable to find day-care for my son. As a result; mom has been on full-time solo-parenting duty. Please see my post on being a care-giver to understand how wrecked she’s been in the evening.
  3. I’m back to full time work as of 3-4 weeks ago after being off work for about 4 months. With this not only comes the adjustment of rigourous work, but ramping up in new technologies. Well, old technologies but handled in new ways you’re expected to learn, grok,and take ownership of already.
  4. And least of all… I haven’t had much to say.

Moving back to the ‘Burgh has been good. I bus downtown. (I miss my afternoon busses usually by a minute). I’ve reconnected with a few people. Some of which I thought I’d never speak to again. One really nice lunch this week at Primanti’s with probably one of the last people I thought I’d enjoy a lunch with. And for the record. I wouldn’t mind lunching again or more regularly with this person.

I’ve been chatting with an old friend from my SCA/Pennsic days online. Many of my old friends from then are married and/or have kids. (Hell, I do) My one friend and I have been up talking often until midnight local time or later. Since I get up at 5:30 for work (I am working 7-3 to be home early)… this has left me a little groggy in the morning. But the conversation is wonderful. So, I expect those conversations to continue even if we adjust our curfews.

I’m hoping this little exercise will start to break down the mental block I’ve had about #4 above.

Initially any new posts may be short so I don’t overwhelm myself into not posting.

My amusing link for the week has been the anonymous crush meme at:

http://www.thiscrush.com/~lordandrei

So here’s a chance to humour me either publicly or privately, openly or anonymously.

More soon. *waves*

I enter the next chapter of my life today. The Earth merrily goes whizzing about the universe. Somewhere around 9:26 am local time this morning I will have travelled just over 24.5 billion miles through the universe. Actually, I’ve just been going around in circles… But that’s okay.

A smaller circle is about to close as well. After 4 months of unemployment and after my 2nd layoff in one year, I will return to work. My job takes me back ‘home’ to Pittsburgh. I do consider Pennsylvania my home. I wasn’t born there; I haven’t lived there in over a decade, but I lived there the longest.

The job is everything I could have wished for in a return to the Three River City. The pay is nearly triple what I made when I left the city. The job is at the top of Gateway Centre near the point looking out over the Allegheny River at the new stadiums. I am architecting software solutions from the ground up for the Mac platform; not as a simply shoehorn Windows port. I will likely work on Apple technologies across the board.

The employer moved VERY fast. I was told after each phone screen to not expect a response for 2-3 days only to hear back within hours. The tech screen was an amazing experience. I spent several hours (6) meeting and interviewing with the entire team in Pittsburgh on Wednesday. By that afternoon there was talk that there would be an offer. By the next day there was talk that contract was likely off the table. Today, two days later, there’s a full time offer and I start in 9 days.

My start will be a flight to Pittsburgh to orient, sign papers, get some initial work started and of course find a place to live. The entire family will be out for that trip and any and all help is warmly appreciated. Heather needs to fly back early for an important meeting. I haven’t begun to even make these plans yet.

I then telecommute in Missouri for three weeks while we organise the second full interstate move in one year. We have three weeks to tear down our life here and get it set back up in a yet to be discovered location in Western PA. Those are the dates.

Many people have asked me how the family feels about this. I’ll be honest. Heather was initially more eager. My reservations will come next. The reality is that leaving St. Louis will be hard. Aiden has settled in with a wonderful Montessori school and is now at the age where a move may be jarring to him. Heather has just found a Pain Management clinic (since her accident) that is actually beginning to manager her pain. We also have formed a VERY close bond to 2 families out here. Leaving them will be difficult. Granted… it really hasn’t been a greatly social life so we don’t really have more than about that.

For me, my last time in Pittsburgh was a time of growing up and shedding some very bad behaviours. It was a time of learning some truths about myself. I also lived through some incredible and often horrendous personal drama. Granted we’re looking at the ages of 16-30. I often look on my life in segments. 0-10 was normal, 11-20 I got broken, 21-30 I lived broken, 30-40 I did repair, 40 I approached normal. As you can see… My Western PA years weren’t my best.

But, partly to Facebook and mostly to the passage of time, I’ve mellowed and people I have known have mellowed and we’ve reconnected. For a while I was admittedly worried about visiting because I thought there were people actively looking to get back at me. We can call this “The paranoid delusions of youth.” Granted, when you’re chased out of Kings Court theatre by 3 guys that are twice your size… sometimes paranoia has its place.

In the past year I have reconnected (at least online) with people that I went to elementary school with in Eastern PA, with High School companions, with college classmates, and even a wealth of friends, ex-girlfriends, housemates, what have you; from those scary 20s. Translation: I think I may have buried all the hatchets out there.

Of course there is my blood family. Those who know me know that this is a can of worms that really explains my discomfort with worms. This is a situation that I found I cured by moving far away. I took on a name change to celebrate my new family. Personally, I wish I could tell the world I was returning and convince them I was moving to Istanbul. I don’t have any answers for this. It honestly scares me.

So, what else could have been the concern for me? “You can never go home.” Words, from one of my oldest friends from Pittsburgh. Someone I lost contact with for 11 years who I stumbled upon about 3 weeks before the job that would bring me back. We often referred to Pittsburgh as “The Gravity Well.” People couldn’t or more accurately wouldn’t leave. There’s a wonderful ‘blue-collar’ charm to Pittsburgh but some can see that as a detriment as well as an enhancement.

For a while when the job was first floated near me… I wondered if a return was a badge of failure. The perception was (to me) that I couldn’t make it in California or Washington or even Missouri (No offence to MO). But the truth I realised was just the opposite. I’d left to find my way into a profession that was entirely self-taught. I have a career that I learned from reading on my own and on-the-job experience. And now, I will get to practice that career in a building that I always looked up to as a college student/graduate and know that it was my ability and the truth of my place in my career that got me there.

It may not be a gold-plated garage in Silicon Valley or a show I am directing on Broadway; but it’s getting paid to do what I love around people that I do in fact love just as much. People I have missed. (Some people… not so much… but with a kid… you prioritise)

The adventure starts anew. I swore at the age of 8 that I would live to the age of 108. Well, more correctly I told my dad I wanted to live to see what became of America had it survived to the Tricentennial. My wife has asked for an extra 7 days so that I don’t pass before or on her birthday.

So let’s just call this exploration into my history as a ‘third-life’ crisis. And see where the next two lifetimes take me.

Hello Pittsburgh… I’m coming home . 🙂

P.S. This is the reason the blog has been quiet for a week or two. If you want specific details about my time in Pittsburgh house hunting, or to help, or to reconnect, or to connect… Email me at author’s link. Or by any of my social networking feeds.

See also: The Living Artist Blog on the same topic.

Okay, not so much the company, but their search Terms of Service.

Okay, I didn’t so much violate their Terms of Service as their automated bots thought I did.

Actually the irony was that their automated bots thought I was an automated bot.

I suppose, the real irony is that this situation was inspired by today’s web comic on XKCD and as a result deserves to become a daily comic on XKCD.

I am without a doubt a statistics freak. I love crunching numbers. I love using Excel. (I think this is why the MacBU was scared of me)

My most recent uses of Excel have been:

So back to today’s XKCD. It was a statistician’s dream. All those wonderful google statistics. Of course I found myself wondering, “What about age?” I also found myself wondering about the extreme ends that were edited out from the illustrations. So I tried a few of the samples. The numbers are pretty much accurate. So I figured… “My turn!!!!!”

I opened up my browser and typed in, “I am 3 years old.” I got a surprisingly high response. Of course then I realised that this was likely the doing of parents who were enthusiastically writing about their toddlers. “I am 2 years old.” Similar response. I did 4, then 5. Then I realised. I should write these down. I opened up Simple Text. (That’s better than notepad for the Mac Impaired). I did about 15 more. Then I realised I should be doing this in Excel. So, I back paged on my browser to keep the pages in order. Then I front paged again recording the data. About 5 later I got a Google “Sorry” page.

I’d never seen this beast before. The help page told me that Google perceived me to be an automated bot which is not permitted by the terms of service. This page also directed me to a form where I could type in my name, email, and IP. No place for an explanation. Well, carp (sic) my IP had been blocked from making Google searches. Oddly after I reported the form my search came back in about 30 seconds. Ah… no harm no foul. So I went back to work. Hey… XKCD could do it, why not me. I got up to 97 and it happened again. Went back to the form. Nothing. Now there was no google. My entire home network goes through this IP. (Not my served domains, just the end users in the house).

Turns out, Google really isn’t to responsive to these problems. The user is left to their own devices. Their own devices being defined as asking their ISP to change their IP. Granted, discovering this was not easy as I no longer had “Google” to use as a tool. It would seem that Yahoo still has its uses. Well, after a good half hour of reading vitriolic “Google Hate” boards the answer revealed itself to me. It turns out that Google simply (redacted) vicious (redacted) and all you have to do is (redacted) assuming you can figure out which (redacted) and then everything is fine again.

But in the mean time… I now know what age people say they are on the interwebz.

This chart fascinates me for several reasons. First off, it seems that people are most eager to express their age at 7. Of course there is some drift when you consider that there are song titles and lyrics that include the line, “I am (x) years old.”

What’s really nifty is that people tend to go on 3-4 year cycles of talking about it and NOT talking about it. Er. Writing about it. 43 is such a peak between 40 and 47.

Looking at the posts it’s also amusing to see what people are saying with their statements of age. Kids are talking about pride. Teens have problems. Young adults are talking about things they do. 30s-50s are talking about work. 60’s-80’s are talking about medical procedures and health. And Ironically past 80’s it’s all about the pride of still being able to post on the net.

Looking at these little cycles I decided to cluster ages by 3 and 4. So in one chart I’ve done: 1-3, 4-6, 5-9, etc. In the next I’ve done: 1-4, 5-8, 9-12. If I cared I’d be really tempted to graph astrological returns onto this.

Hits on google for "I am (x) years old" grouped by 3.

Hits on google for "I am (x) years old" grouped by 4.

The good news is that since then, my Google search has been restored. And I am free to hunt after free roaming data again.

This is another posting that are comes from the site Formspring. Again, these will be marked with a FQ at the beginning of the post title and the post will be appropriately tagged. (Eventually, I’ll stop adding this upper bit)


Is there anything you wish you could do over and do differently, and if so, what? Is it possible to live a life without regrets, or are just the words of the young and arrogant?


Nothing beats a light-hearted and easy question. Once again I have to give two answers to the first part. The quick answer, which is not the accurate one, is “Of course, there’s tonnes I’d love to go change.” (Correct answer is forthcoming)

I’m one of those people who’d love to go back in time and whisper in my younger self’s ear a few choice phrases at the right time. I’d love to lose a few savings accounts and find a couple of lost treasures. My grandmother’s kitchen table had SCORES of photos from my youth from the time I was born until about the age of 10. I would KILL to see those photos again. As it is, I now have ONE photo from my childhood that is not a school picture. And even those are only recent additions.

There are {en:Significant_other|SOs} that I’d love to stop my self from dating and mistakes I made in the carelessness of youth. There’s one very special person to me that I lost due to a combination of bad timing, bad decisions, and worst of all: being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Do I wish I could do over and do differently. … The correct answer is “No.” Does the idea entertain me to no end? Oh, absolutely. And I can sum up the accurate reason for never wishing this in one word. “Aiden.” I wouldn’t have my son in my life right now if anything in my life had been different. Even though the film is utterly traumatic, I recommend “The Butterfly Effect.” Actually, I don’t. I think I’d like to go back and prevent myself from having seen it. Read {en:Ray_Bradbury|Bradbury}’s “{en:A_Sound_of_Thunder|A Sound of Thunder}” from his collection “{en:R_is_for_Rocket|R is for Rocket}” ({en:Serenity_(film)|Yes, I’ve read a book. Try not to faint.})

And anyway I did role-playing games as a kid. I know what a Dungeon Master thinks when you make a wish. This never works out well. This is a true moment to enjoy what you have and not try to “what if” yourself into “what could have been” from the myriad of infinity. Granted… Having a child you love will do that to you.

But wait… there is more. Is it possible to live a life without regrets, or are these (ed. mine) just the words of the young and the arrogant?

I must greatly fight the urge to type, “Yes” and then end the post. But would I regret such a move? Personally, I think regret is a natural process of maturation. Just because you’ve done something that in your heart was the best decision, it doesn’t mean it’s not going to hurt, cause annoyance, sadness, … what have you.

I am estranged from the immediate blood family that raised me. This was neither an easy decision nor a quick one. It took a lot of soul searching, a lot of learning who I am, and what I need to be a healthy and functional individual. Most of this happened as the result of the loss of my father. Some could reason that his condition was aided by me telling him to go to a shelter. There have been so many things that I have done, that even after years of doubt and pain, in my mind, I know they were the right things. Doesn’t make it any easier. Not having a father today to ask what I was like as a boy as I try to raise my own… Oh, yeah… There’s sadness and sometimes there is even depression.

Look at the definition… It’s {en:Regret_(emotion)|regret}. I think it’s actually an incorrect definition of ‘regret’ that causes the young and arrogant to say that they shall live without regret. The problem is that most people think, “If I have regret; then I admit that what I did was wrong.” There are many actions I wish I had not done. Some seemed like the right decision at the time. Some still seem like the right decision. Some absolutely were the right decision and I still wish I hadn’t done them.

Do I feel that I had consciously violated ethics or morality in my life? No. Do I feel that I have actively been dishonourable at points in my life? I do not know. I think honour is one of those things that is like Karma. It can be spent and earned. Honour is not something we teach to the young. Matter of fact we completely cheapen the idea of Honour by tying it to excellence, which is at times very far from Honour. And as an A-Honour roll student in my youth… I know of what I speak.

Do I reflect on actions of my youth and question my ethics at time? Oh hells yes. I can clearly see one if not two people who I can say I acted beyond improperly with and would twelve-step myself oblivion to try to make amends for the behaviour of an under-21-year old. One person that I knew has said they don’t even want to hear my name again. So much for forgiveness. These are in addition to the person I lost.

I’ve made mistakes. Granted, I don’t think that I’ve actively ever set out to hurt anyone. I have called people out on breaking the rules and have been tenacious about it. I’ve had less than pure thoughts and thank the universe that I’m Jewish and don’t believe in Hell.

So, I have regrets. This doesn’t answer the question. The question was: Is it possible to live life without regret, or are these just words for the young and arrogant. The reduction is Yes. Yes on the first half, no on the second. I think inevitably people have to decide for themselves those wonderful old concepts of “Right and Wrong” and the relative responsibility for actions in relation to a persons place and emotional connection to it.

Huh? Well, lets be honest. A psychopath isn’t going to feel any regrets or any emotion about their behaviours and they come in all ages and arrogance isn’t always on the menu.

Scared yet :?)

CPT Sampson Luke and FamilyI don’t talk about my blood family very often. I’m not just referring to online. My first cousin who is just a year younger than myself, lost her husband suddenly a little over a month ago. CPT Samson T. Luke was on a National Guard drill weekend. The family was notified that his death was an “active” status death. Two weeks later this was changed with no explanation to “inactive” death status. As a result much of the monetary, education, and health care, and funereal benefits are being denied that were previously promised. You can see more on this story from an excerpt of a CNN report.

CPT Luke leaves behind my cousin Miranda and their four children. This is an urgent matter as Miranda has been left fighting the DoD for the benefits promised rather than taking care of her family and trying to move on from this horrible tragedy. The Department of Defense is deciding if the family is eligible to receive benefits they had been promised and are entitled. If you feel moved to help  please cut and paste the letter below, dating and signing your name and address and mailing as quickly as possible as this is a time sensitive matter. Please feel free to distribute this letter to anyone that may want to help. Thank you advance for your support.

DATE
Dr. Robert Gates
U.S. Secretary of Defense
1000 Defense Pentagon
Washington D.C. 20301

Dr. Gates,

I am writing on behalf of CPT Samson T. Luke’s family. CPT Luke passed away January 10, 2010 during a Arkansas National Guard drill weekend. His wife, Miranda, and their four children were told Sam’s death was an “active” status death. Two and a half weeks later CPT Luke’s status was inexplicably changed to an “inactive” death status. This action denies the family the monetary, education, health care benefits and funeral expenses that were promised.

CPT Luke was active duty Army and now in the National Guard for over a decade serving two times in Iraq. Sam’s family has supported Sam and the military throughout his career.
This family has been through so much. They deserve the proper consideration in this matter. Please return CPT Luke’s death status back to “active” and help this military widow provide for their four young children during this difficult time.

This situation is of the utmost concern to me and I would like be kept informed of the resolution of this matter. I can be reached at:

YOUR NAME
YOUR ADDRESS
AND/OR EMAIL

Sincerely,
SIGNATURE