Tag Archive: Life

close to about 9pm. Aiden wasn’t difficult to get down. But unfortunately, the rigours of the day (an internal company focus group) and having to run home because Aiden got sick (or at least massively uncharacteristic in a sick like manner) at daycare necessitated me to leave work early and retrieve him. Somewhere in the early evening I managed to also crick my neck badly. So many pain killers later and I fell asleep.

Waking up this morning I saw several text messages I wish I hadn’t missed. I’ve also caught up on email.

Sleeping through life kind of sucks.

Life is (as many are aware) very difficult right now. The words from the “Yes” song “Changes” of of 90125 are very appropriate in my life again.

If my posting seems more superficial, lacking, or seems to go away for a while… it’s just the way I feel.

Thank you all, you’ve been a very sweet audience. We’ll notify you when the next performance is scheduled.

So, the weekend started with me doing a presentation on programming in a new language to my team. My first presentation and about 80% of my team is in there. Lots of people. No pressure 😉

Afterwards we had a Friday celebration for a really cool guy on the team that has now been in our group for 10 years. I spent the bulk of that period discussing Doctor Who and Highlander and explained that Highlander IV was actually a really amazingly good movie.

I get to the car. There is reggae music playing. shimmeringjemmy really doesn’t like Reggae… so… weird.

I get in the car and she looks at me and says, “Sorry I don’t have room to get down on one knee… but, would you like your ex-girlfriend’s ring.” Which she then placed on my finger.

This unto itself requires explanation…. A really cool person I was involved with about 1 year and a half back and I exchanged rings. After we broke up she asked me to keep the ring she gave me. And I wear it daily. I took it in last week for a cleaning to a jeweler we use.

H picked it up today while I was at work. But, in our family sense of humour.. she couldn’t merely hand it over. So, she came up with the contrived sentence above. Which between the reggae, the class, the discussion on Highlander, and everything else… my brain went FWEEEEEEE!

Guess it’s time for a new Doctor Who… At least that’ll make sense. It’s not like unexpected relatives are gonna pop up out of nowhere for the Doctor.

Yesterday was a long day. Tuesdays for me often are.

I have many people in my life that make me very happy.


So, if it’s not obvious… my relationship with LJ has been (in a word) neglectful.

This isn’t really anything new… it’s been at least 4 years in the making. No really, I did the research. (Cool link)

Which is strange. I like having and giving an opinion. I just haven’t.

Posting has become difficult. Work keeps me very busy. So reading and posting at work is unlikely. This of course is coupled with the fact that there isn’t a whole lot I’m doing right now at work that I can really give details about. The major facts are out there (yes, Microsoft is shipping an all new version of Microsoft Office for Mac in the second half of 2007)

The smaller details? That’s either NDA intellectual property or sufficiently geekish-mac-msft-tech than no one would really appreciate it.

Geeky on the side, I’m playing with Wikis and I really love it.

So.. what about non-work life?

Well, as everyone warned me… I don’t have much of a non-work life.

I have life with a nigh-toddler.

Don’t get me wrong. Boy fills me with love, happiness, yadda*3.

But he does so at what often-times feels like a cost of everything else.

So… why aren’t I Posting more?

Well, the Happy takes up a lot of time and I really don’t want to cut into the Happy to post about it. I don’t even get to post about the Happy when relaxing over Chai. (Yes, that was an inside joke. You can ask me al about it some other time)

And then there’s the non-happy. I don’t post about that either. LJ is a wonderful tool. I still to this day adore it, but it’s gained such a horrible reputation for being the dumping ground of teen-young adult angst and drama.

So, posting only the annoyances doesn’t seem right either.

Side note: I often consider how individual people interact with me. I basically contemplate what I say to specific people to make sure, I’m not always behaving one specific way for one person.

So, yes… There’s been happy. There’s been not-so-happy. There’s been life as a new parent. There’s been the pursuit of feeling like me and feeling that me is supposed to be around. There’s been feelings of complete disconnect.

There’s been me.

I keep IM open as much as I can. It’s pretty much my cell phone. (The latter of which I can now report is once again working) But I don’t have time to engage people socially. I can interact… but I just don’t have the time (and on some level the motivation) to try to create a conversation online. I’m more than willing to participate in them… but sadly, I am primarily messaged by spammers.

Happily, the people close to me in my life have kept me far saner over the last few weeks than they know. And I am thrilled for each of them. I am pretty sure they each know who they are. They have also IM’ed me from time to time.

I’d like to post more. I’d like to make some grand statement that I’m going to start posting more. But this is also part of what is in my life at the moment. Great intention and absolutely horrific follow-thru. Right now, don’t let Andrei agree to anything. I suppose it’s just safer that way.

Here’s hoping July improves a notch.

Written last evening about 4:30 pm.

Dearest diary.. 13th of September, in the year of their lord 2006. Day 10 of my captivity.

The drums.. the drums!

My dearest schnookiemuffin asked me yesterday how things were having a child.

To answer this I need to roll back to about 2 years ago. A co-worker asked, “How are you enjoying being married?” I considered it and realized… I’ve lived with her for over a year and always enjoy her company… it really doesn’t feel any different. I just get to spend lots of time with one of my favourite people in the world.

So… how are things with the baby?

It’s a little surreal. Yes… I admit… watching the henson-eque visual effect of my son emerging out of the body of my love was one of the most emotional experiences of my life. After a few days of the amusement… I got over the feeling of, “So… they’re not going to take this away.”

Now… this wasn’t a feeling that I really wanted them to take him away. More along the lines of for the first few days he felt like ‘a loaner.’ Yeah, Andrei… we know you’re gonna have a kid so… here’s one to play with for a while… Try to actually get used to it so you’re ready.

Only thing is… this was the real thing and he’s not a loaner.

But it’s no less surreal. See… we’re in the reallllllly early stages. We have ‘baby’. Like the ones you NEVER see on TV or in the movies. There’s very little acknowledgment of the universe around him at this point. I have flashes of Dr. Keller wondering if he’s blind and deaf the way his head and eyes tend to lol (sic) around. (I’ve always wanted to use ‘lol’ as a verb, mind you. Even if I’ve spelled it wrong.) shimmeringjemmy assures me that he’s neither blind nor deaf and it’s just a lack of muscular control. I am the dad… so this means, “Okay… un-huh… you sure?”

So now we are into day 10. Yes… tomorrow he will be unable to count the days of his life on his hands. Unlike the past 10 days where he’s been unable to control them much at all. (No, sea_gaagii. No boxing gloves)

His regimen is pretty much what you’d expect. Sleep, Breast, Soil… lather, rinse, repeat. occasionally there is fidgeting and crying when we can’t quite figure out which of the above he wants or is transitioning between.

I’m trying to keep busy while being attentive. It’s amazing how I’ve transitioned from active to passive in this thing. I really can’t feed him (without help) and H spends a lot of time co-sleeping with him.

Amusingly, every-time I look at him. That internal neuron in my brain fires off and he’s the cutest thing in the world that I must protect with my life. Which of course has added some severely bizarre and sometimes annoyingly bothersome dreams.

I think we spent so much time anthropomorphizing him in the womb, that I expected a slightly higher level of sentience. But none the less, I can pick up an arm while he sleeps and it falls like a rag doll. A breathing, quivering rag doll. (Oh.. I’m going to give myself another nightmare at this rate)

I want to do more with him. Unfortunately, at this point.. the biggest game we have is, okay..let’s not look like drunk baby. Time to play strengthen that neck muscle.

It’s not bad. Really it isn’t. I’m crazy about him. Even when he makes a grimace that looks exactly like my dad having gas.

It’s just weird… and different… and glorious… and I look forward to when I can share this all with him on a level he’ll get. (and this thought is making me all misty eyed and sh&#)

I’m a dad. Who’d have thunk.

Final reaction…