Tag Archive: dreams

Really crappy icky uncharacteristic dreams last night.

Hopefully my frame of mind won’t be too off today.

I haven’t had any alcohol in a few days. I think I last had it at dinner Thursday.

I woke up fairly congested again. Haven’t really exercised the congestion completely from my system since it started in February. Some days are better… some like this morning.. not so good.

But the interesting thing to post about was remembering good portions of my dreams.

The interesting part can best be described as being along the lines of “Spirited Away”

I was lost in a complex maze of a building (Standard Andrei Dream imagery) It was a very urban building. Very similar to the Crystal Mall in Vancouver. A large box of shopping had gone missing. I went to one of the lower floors and remember twisting a knob sort of like the one at the bottom of a stair way handrail. The bottom floor started to open down like a hidden basement was being exposed.

The hidden basement, however was a beautiful Japanese style countryside with a huge stone castle/building. In the distance I could see a train on a track but it felt like it should be connected to the highway that was just outside the building I’d just been in.

There were a series of priestesses/angels/creatures that I had to interact with to get my treasure returned. One flew down and danced with me. I remember the feel of my hand on her back.

I tend to post about dreams when I have tactile memories. It think I tend to remember those because I’d been told at one time, it’s supposed to be impossible to have actual tactile feedback in a dream-state.

Time passed differently in this world than back in the store where people were waiting for me. A relative (I think my father) came looking for me. By the time I got back, for some reason I was Captain Kirk trying to report on the away mission. I found myself annoyed that I’d been pulled away before I could complete the mission. At the same time, I had a wistful feeling that I wouldn’t be able to get back there.

This was cemented with the requisite roundhouse to the face by a small toddler foot at 6am.

Dreams can be nifty

I don’t retain a lot of my dreams when I wake up. I wish I did.

Last ight I had my standard set of weird draeams. Convoluted buildings, driving around, new places, etc…

and then about 75% of the way thru the night I had a commercial.

I distinctly remember a political commercial for Hillary Clinton. Very “We are the world” music, positive, fun imagery. Very humanizing. Really attacked some of the issues that have been giving Obama an edge.

And even unconscious one very distinct thought popped into my head.


It was amazingly jarring.

Now.. I did see Cabaret last night. So the seeds of uncomfortable political change may have been buried in there.

But this was obscenely detailed. So.. either my brain took a wrong turn in albuquerque or it’s time to start siding with the crazy conspiracy theorists.


Anywho… today there will be zoo-ing. Friends that are interested in joining in, text me… I’ll have my text-y thing on me.


Weird dreams

I have a mechanism I use in dreams when I feel ‘threatened.’

I start hitting things. What this means is open handed smacks of walls, furniture, etc. To note if I feel sensation.
Usually that’s enough to help draw me out of the dream.

I had to do this last night. Typical dream.. weirdness. Strange twisty hotel/parking area/etc…

Then there was this guy. I just got a tonne of feelings that said, “You’re not supposed to be here.”

He sort of looked like Mark Gattis as the young Lazarus in Doctor Who.

I started hitting things and eventually thought I’d woken up. I’d really just moved to another part of the dream.

Later he came back. The moment I noticed him, he went from trying to be inconspicuous to coming at me.

There were 2 or 3 bad karate moves between us. I tried to push him away with my mind. That failed. Then he leaned into me like he was going to take a bite out of my stomach.

I mentally pushed him away and he dissolved away like an impressive computer effect. I woke up.

Strange dream. Strange person. Odd because I remember (though it’s fading) the face. And above all else, the distinct feeling of “You don’t belong here.”

Odd. But then again.. I probably shouldn’t watch Torchwood right before bed.

Had an annoying ‘waking dream’ last night.

Waking dreams are dreams where you dream that you wake up. Then they continue.

It’s almost as if your subconscious is battling your conscious. Internally the mind goes, “No, this is a dream… this can’t be real” so the subconscious goes, “Oh, he thinks this is a dream. I’ll let him think he woke up and then continue the dream.”

And so it goes.

Only problem was the initial dream was a resolution of something I’ve tried to put out of my mind and release. There are certain things in my life I’m not going to accomplish. Some at my current stage in life, some ever. I’ll use “graduating from college” for an example.

Having a detailed dream about walking down the aisle at my university in robust full colour with all the pomp and circumstance is in my deepest conscience damned unlikely. No matter how many people are cheering me on and how I can feel the diploma and handshake; deep in my head is a choir of angels saying, “This ain’t happening.”

But then to ‘wake up’ and have the acting dean explain that it actually did happen. Steps were taken to permit it. The person makes it sound incredibly rational that the impossible happened in your sleep.

Dreams are supposed to divert, change, swim like a thread in a braid or a helix. It moves from unrelated idea to unrelated idea only faintly linked by your own imagination. They’re supposed to. Last night was my subconscious gleefully trying to convince me that my resolution had occurred. Right down to showing it to me in writing. (I’m one of those people who can not read in their sleep. Words and letters jumble.) But the documentation was in front of me. And I could clearly read that it’d happened.

Satisfied that my slumbering body was convinced my subconscious had one last laugh at my expense. It let me actually wake up and realize that it was, “just a dream.”

There are many things I want to accomplish in life. Many are out of my direct control. For example: I’ve been seeking a promotion in my career for close to 5 years but things just haven’t worked out that way. Our industry is funny, the longer I continue the more road-blocks they put in and the higher the bar is lifted. The career often feels like the ultimate trip through Zeno’s paradox.

On top of that is the fact that I have a baby now. A lot of my personal goals and plans have been put on hold or dispensed. Where my stubbornness has blocked my ability to see how he’s upset my already shaky system of time management.

Personally, I am fully aware how much I’ve been dropping the ball for friends, loved ones, and people I interact with. I’m pretty sure I’ve caused most of the people around me more pain, annoyance, and inconvenience than I have added. And this is difficult for me. More than I can find words for.

I’ve spent the last 8 years on a spiritual journey to fix myself and feel like much of the work has sort of untied itself over the last year. I’m not sure how to retie it and even if anyone will care if I do. I’ve dropped some pretty big balls in the past 8 months and really don’t expect anyone to give me a second chance. Personally, I believe some doors in my life have now been personally closed. One of which relates directly to my dream.

Some of this I can try to blame on being a first time father with a six month old.
Mind you I have no resentment towards my family at all. I love them absolutely and completely and will continue to put them first in my life. Except maybe over my own sanity 😉

But I honestly know that the blame is wholly on me. I am nowhere near as organised as I should be. I’m great with ideas and horrible at follow-thru. I work best ‘in the now’ and am at my worst ‘over time.’ And the world doesn’t work that way. And I am damned useless at communicating that or at most times admitting to it.

Right now in life I feel much like Dilbert. Average.. in the middle. Going as far as you will and there’s not a whole lot of promise for advancement. Many big dreams and projects loom ahead unfulfilled. And if there were time and growth…maybe someday… they might occur.

Maybe that’s the real reason I don’t/can’t read Dilbert. It’s not that the situations are to real. It’s that the person is too real.

So… I had a dream last night. It was beautiful. It was wonderful. It made me very happy. The dream went out of its way to convince me, “It was a done deal.” But it wasn’t… isn’t….probably won’t for a very long time.

Symbolically, I have no idea what to get out of that. Because it’s the one thing in my life I’m certain hasn’t happened. And there’s nothing I can really tie it to to make any sense.

Just sorta makes me feel deflated and feeling distant.

Such is my description of that which I can’t describe.

Random vaguely related lyrics