I was once invited to a book club. So many books to choose from. I had no idea which ones to read.
Join the Book Club!
As an introductory offer, we’ll send you the following books absolutely free:
Eat, Run, Stay Fit and Die Anyway; How to Seem Intelligent; There’s big money in Staying Put; Piece of Mind by Losing Complete Control for 16 Hours a Day; Your Thighs Control Your Life; How to Fillet a Panda; Rid Your Life of Doubt, Or Should You?; Chances are Your Sister’s Full of Shit; How to Give Yourself a Complete Physical Without Getting Undressed; 64 Good Reasons for Giving Up Hope; Why Jews Point; 100 Dead People Nobody Misses; Backpacking for Shut-Ins; My Dog is a Real Fruit; Your Shoes are Worth Money; Reorganizing Your Pockets; What to Where on the Toilet; One Hundred and Twenty-Four Simple Exercises for the Teeth; The Stains in Your Shorts Can Indicate Your Future; Tips on Getting Laid; Self Mutilation as an Attention Getter; 600 Ways to Give People the Shaft; Tremble Your Way to Fitness; You Give Me 6 Weeks and I’ll Give You Some Disease
And if you join today; we’ll send the following books absolutely free:
Poems for the Insane; A Treasury of Poorly Understood Ideas; Apartment Hunting for Devil Worshipers; A Complete List of All the Things That Are Still Pending
And these Books on Food Are Yours:
The Intervenes Cookbook: The Meaning of Corn; Fill Your Life with Croutons; The Food Coloring Diet; Cooking for the Paralyzed; Cooking with Heat
And if you join today, we’ll send the following books absolutely free:
Controlling Fear Without Getting Frightened; Things No One Can Help; Understanding People You’ll Never Meet; Six Ways to Fuck Up Before Breakfast; Marriage for One; I Suck, You Suck; Let’s Change the Alphabet; Famous Bullshit Stories; Sport Fishing with Power Saws; Why Hawaii and Norway are Not Near Each Other
And if you join today, we’ll send the following books absolutely free:
A List of People Who Mean Well; Don’t Throw Away Your Old Skin; Ten Things We Don’t Know Yet; Caring for the Seated; The Wrong Underwear Can Kill; Trotting Across Zaire; Why it Doesn’t Snow Anymore; The Complete List of Everyone’s Personal Effects; Six Cities No One Has Ever Been To; I Gave Up hope and Died and It Worked; Famous People who were Wiry; The Lives of Six Extremely Short Saints; Anna-Mae Wong’s Tits are Made of Aluminum
And if you join today, we’ll send the following instruction books absolutely free:
How to Do Everything at Once; How to Give People Your Best Regards; How to Spoil Other People’s Fun; How to Kill a Rat with an Oboe; How to Organize a Tupperware Gang Bang; How to Wave Goodbye Without Moving Your Arms; How to Spot Truly Vicious People in Church; How to Get Back from Boston; How to Lease out the Space inside Your Nose; How to get a Tan With a Flashlight; How to Start a Range War; How to Spot a Creep from a Distance; How to Give a King a Really Hard Time; How to Kill Your Nephew; How to Become a Greaseball; and How to Turn Unbearable Pain into Extra Income
So Call Now, Right now. Join the Book Club Today!
With all proper credit to George Carlin